Visions and Depressions

Sun and cloud in Uddevalla

I think I can say that I’ve felt depressed—I mean really depressed, 3 times in my life. And depressed to the point of feeling suicidal once in my life—No, you don’t need to worry…I never got to the point of planning or taking steps to do anything.

I was fortunate, as help always came to me before I hit rock bottom.

Different things triggered the second and third bouts of depression, but the underlying causes were either to do with my relationships, my work or both.

My first spell of depression, however, was different and it was the worst. It began around 1996 or was it 1997? I remember being 30 or roundabout. This first period lasted about 3 years and during this time I went in and out of suicidal depression.

I think it was in early 1997 when a series of devastating events rocked my world and sent me spinning. First, my flat got burgled twice in one week, so I had to move in with a friend. A few months later my, my stepdad died, then Lady Diana died, then a few weeks after Diana’s death and most traumatic of all—my cat died

Looking back now, I think this was the most difficult period in my life.

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Inner World Outer World

Uddevalla Cloud Formation

“Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world” T. Harv Eker

I remember walking into the office that day—It was 2008 and I had been living and working in Shanghai for over 3 years. I was in a bad way again, bemoaning and crying over yet another failed relationship.

One of the colleagues I worked with back then, I’ll call her Grace for the purpose of this article, opened up something in me that struck a chord. A chord, which profoundly embedded itself in my mind ever since.

Eyeing me sympathetically, she casually said

“But Jacqueline, you know your outer world is a reflection of your inner world don’t you?”

No, I didn’t know—I knew nothing of the sort.

“What? What was that you said”? I asked

“Well, everything that’s happening to you is because of something inside of you,” She said gesturing to and feeling around her heart…

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Call of The Inner Voice (continued)

 

My four years at Polytechnic were amazing! It was a whirl of parties, boyfriends, LOTS of fun and of course some studying. In my third year after working about 5 months in the UK on a work placement, I got the opportunity for another placement in Germany for a little under a year.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience—but it didn’t start that way. It was also very lonely in the beginning.

In retrospect, it was my time in Germany that firmly sowed the seeds for travel in me, fuelling my dreams to live abroad.

I lived in a tiny, picture postcard village called Beyernburg. It was by far the prettiest place I’d ever been to and looked like it had been carefully constructed with the left overs from a scene from Hansel and Gretel. Pretty, neat little houses nestled in lush forests; a grand church overlooked a shimmering lake.

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What Is A Spiritual Person?

Jacqueline In Stockholm

 

“To be spiritual is to be happy—Spirituality is the science of happiness.” Sri Bhagavan

What does it mean to be a spiritual person? This is a question I’ve thought about quite a lot over the years, and I’m sure everyone reading this will also have their own views about what it means for them.

When I started this journey around 2007, I had no idea what being spiritual meant, but I also didn’t think of myself as a spiritual person either. I knew that I was seeking something—I was looking for happiness and a change to my life circumstances, but that’s as much as I could say at that time.

As I got further and further into my journey and started thinking of myself as “spiritual” that’s when my problems started…

When I say problems, I don’t mean difficulties in my life or anything like that and I’m not talking about any particular challenge I had to face. The problems I’m talking about, were more around how I perceived myself, once I’d labelled myself “A spiritual person”

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Call of The Inner Voice

Sunset with boat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can perhaps say that I’ve been hearing the calls of an inner voice throughout my life. Of course, in the beginning, this call was not very clear….or maybe I just didn’t have the ears to hear it.

I think the first time I really recognised what I could loosely describe as an inner voice, I was around 20 years old—it wasn’t something I heard but was more something I felt.

(This first experience would unravel many years later to become clear inner guidance.)

I was heading to Polytechnic for the first time and my two elder brothers were taking me.

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