Death or Transition

Angel Clouds







Choose to see death as simply removing a garment or moving from one room to another…it’s merely a transition. Wayne Dyer

I mentioned in my last post “I start a business continued” that in 2009 my father died…I’m going to elaborate a little more on that experience here.

In May 2009 my father died or should I say he transitioned.

The phone call came about 8 am that Sunday morning. I was met by my brother who lives in the US’s agitated voice on the other end of the line and honestly, I had no idea of what he was about to tell me.

“Where were you yesterday Jacq? I was trying to call you all day!” He said, sounding upset.

“I was out!” I replied. “I went to a friends birthday party—what’s the problem?” I asked, returning his impatience.

“I’ve got some bad news to tell you,” My brother said, softening his tone.

Even though I knew my dad was ill… he had been suffering from heart and prostate difficulties for a few years. It was beyond me to think about him dying. The death of a close relative wasn’t something I’ve had to deal with before so…somehow the possibility of my dad’s death was the furthest thing from my mind.

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I Start A Business Continued

There is no secret to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from your failure—Colin Powell

When September came, as predicted by my inner voice, I was given 3 months notice before losing my job.

Having been pre-warned, the news didn’t surprise or send me into a spin; on the contrary…I felt totally prepared.

I had a new office that I had begun to decorate, I had an apartment ready to move into and I had a company in the process of being registered.

Losing my job this time wasn’t at all bad news!

By December when my notice period ended, Edge Textile Trading Shanghai was born. I had business cards and fabric hanger heads printed with the company logo designed by my graphic designer friend Gille Renaud.

I’d spent the months between September and December arranging meetings and visiting fabric mills in and around the textile regions across China.

And I had sourced a comprehensive range of fabrics ready for Spring/Summer 2009.

Continue reading “I Start A Business Continued”

I Start A Business

Edge Company Logo

“Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination” Drake

In the final months of 2008, I started my own textile business called Edge. It wasn’t something I planned nor was it something I envisaged as part of my Shanghai future—But what I can say is, it was something that taught me a lot about myself.

I think it was in June 2008 that my boss—I’ll call her Alesa for the purpose of this post, called me into her office to inform me about the restructuring going on in the company—I was then working for Next Sourcing Shanghai, the Chinese arm of Next UK. I was the fabric-sourcing manager with a team of 4 sourcers working with me.

She said that in the restructuring one of the three fabric-sourcing managers in Leicester, Hong Kong and of course in Shanghai would lose their job. The decision concerning which one of us it would be would come in September.

As my boss shared this information, I instinctively knew she was, in fact, telling me that I was going to lose my job—when I weighed up the facts and reviewed my position, I realised that I was the most likely to get the chop.

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9 Years In Shanghai Continued

In Shanghai

Fill your life with adventures, not things. Have stories to tell not stuff to show-Unknown

Of course, I said yes to Shanghai! It was a no-brainer—and it was what I’d been wishing for the last year… I was so excited! This would be a brand new beginning for me…a chance to leave my old life and problems behind and start afresh in a new, unchartered country.

Within a month of being asked to move to Shanghai, I was on a flight, carrying two suitcases and the rest of my things, the things I would need for the next year following behind me on a boat.

Just as Sebastian had predicted, I arrived in Shanghai before April of that year.

It was March 2005.

I was given a year’s contract on an expat package with a month in a 5-star hotel thrown in…I would need to find myself a place to stay before my month ran out.

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9 Years In Shanghai

“I,m not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world” Mary Anne Radmacher

That pivotal trip to China in January 2004 would be the beginning of a huge life changing transformational shift for me, but it would take many more years to fully manifest.

So coming back to the story…

That initial visit to China was exciting for so many reasons. Although, in all honesty, it had never been a dream of mine to go to China… the moment I stepped onto the shores of Shanghai, I knew my future lay somewhere between its nostalgic old lanes and its sparkling modern skyscrapers.

At that moment in time, I can truly say I had the most amazing job—a dream job really. Travelling the world and going to vast factories to select what I deemed to be the most beautiful, cost-effective fabrics that could be translated into stunning designs for our garment ranges.

What a job! I loved it.

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My First Trip To China


Chinese scene in Beijing







“Your destiny lies overseas, only when you get there, will you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel” Sebastian

After my meeting with Sebastian things didn’t improve at work, in fact, they worsened. It took all I had to stay motivated, but Sebastian’s words kept coming back to me “ You can walk away from good things as well as bad”

It felt like Sebastian knew something was about to change for me, but what?

As the week’s progressed working became torturous, I had little or no energy and found it harder and harder to get myself out of bed every morning. I soon started arriving late, then progressed to having days off sick—I just didn’t want to be there.

A few months later something happened, which really tested my resolve.

I was scheduled to be in our usual Monday afternoon buying meetings in the office. But that afternoon, I was asked by one of our designers to accompany her to a meeting with our customer.

I thought I would have enough time to go and come back before my internal meeting, but unfortunately, I returned about 15 minutes late.

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Sparkling Jacqueline







“Astrology is a language. If you understand this language, the sky speaks to you” Dane Rudhyar

I’ve briefly mentioned living and working in Shanghai in previous blog posts, but as this was the most important phase in my life for so many reasons, I think I wouldn’t be doing Shanghai justice if I didn’t dedicate more time to this period of my life

But before I get into the story allow me to go back a little in time, to the events that led me to Shanghai.

I’ve already described the period in my life where I went in and out of deep depression in the Visions and Depressions post…. Well, during this period, I was also made redundant from my work as a fabric-sourcing manager.

It took me a whole year to get another job in the fashion industry, naturally adding to my depression.

Finally, in 2001, I found a job as fabric sourcing manager for a garment manufacturer and dedicated supplier to Marks and Spencer—a well-known brand in the UK.

This would be my comeback job and I felt so excited about getting back into the industry I loved.

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Meditation and Synchronicities

Meditation by the sea

“When you confront yourself you will know who you are” Sri Bhagavan.

As I said in the previous post, Inner World Outer World, the book The Secret opened me up to a completely new world. The world of self-help and spirituality, which eventually led me to meditation.

But when I started this journey back in around 2007/2008 I had no idea what meditation was. I didn’t have any friends who meditated and although I had heard of it, it wasn’t something that was a part of my life.that all changed in 2010.

That all changed in 2010.

Once I’d connected with The Secret website, it lead me to many other spiritual, self-help websites….I started to come into contact with profound teachings taught by many inspirational teachers, each of whom coached me in something new and amazing.

I started to notice synchronicities with these teachers. It felt like a guiding hand was leading me to the right information—I mean exactly what I needed at the time I needed it, would be miraculously manifest for me. It was so exciting and like this, step-by-step I progressed.

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Visions and Depressions

Sun and cloud in Uddevalla

I think I can say that I’ve felt depressed—I mean really depressed, 3 times in my life. And depressed to the point of feeling suicidal once in my life—No, you don’t need to worry…I never got to the point of planning or taking steps to do anything.

I was fortunate, as help always came to me before I hit rock bottom.

Different things triggered the second and third bouts of depression, but the underlying causes were either to do with my relationships, my work or both.

My first spell of depression, however, was different and it was the worst. It began around 1996 or was it 1997? I remember being 30 or roundabout. This first period lasted about 3 years and during this time I went in and out of suicidal depression.

I think it was in early 1997 when a series of devastating events rocked my world and sent me spinning. First, my flat got burgled twice in one week, so I had to move in with a friend. A few months later my, my stepdad died, then Lady Diana died, then a few weeks after Diana’s death and most traumatic of all—my cat died

Looking back now, I think this was the most difficult period in my life.

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Inner World Outer World

Uddevalla Cloud Formation

“Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world” T. Harv Eker

I remember walking into the office that day—It was 2008 and I had been living and working in Shanghai for over 3 years. I was in a bad way again, bemoaning and crying over yet another failed relationship.

One of the colleagues I worked with back then, I’ll call her Grace for the purpose of this article, opened up something in me that struck a chord. A chord, which profoundly embedded itself in my mind ever since.

Eyeing me sympathetically, she casually said

“But Jacqueline, you know your outer world is a reflection of your inner world don’t you?”

No, I didn’t know—I knew nothing of the sort.

“What? What was that you said”? I asked

“Well, everything that’s happening to you is because of something inside of you,” She said gesturing to and feeling around her heart…

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